


I Refuse to be the Devil You Want Me to Be

by sabriel75



Series: what I haven't written yet meme [8]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Edwardian Period, Gen, Historical, Hypocrisy, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, Self-Destruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:32:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabriel75/pseuds/sabriel75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Thomas believes life can be what you make of it and finally starts to spurn the societal hypocrisy he has felt overwhelmed by all his life.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Refuse to be the Devil You Want Me to Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tracy7307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tracy7307/gifts).



> So this fic has homophobic content, because of the times and how tangled Thomas's thoughts are in regards to his orientation and his desire to fight off the vile self-doubts he has about himself and his sexuality. 
> 
> Let me state clearly and truly: I do not believe any of these false sentiments certain parts of society hold true, and do think we are who we are and we come as we are and society then attempts to dictate the morality of our existence -- for good or bad -- and the sad thing is; sometimes we don't know better and let them. Even today.

Society would lead you to believe there are reasons boys like other boys and grow up into men who live out such abominations freely. Trauma from earlier lives, as children or into adolescence before their boyish ways had given away to maturity. 

Thomas thinks he must have such memories repressed, selective amnesia because he cannot remember a time he has not preferred the strong, lean lines of the male form to the curvier, fussier shape of females. 

Girls fluttered and flitted and prattled on about idiocies Thomas has no patience for. His mother, the worst of the lot, and he thinks maybe, one day if he pushes himself to examine his inability to deal with the grind of reality, he’ll certainly place all the blame on his mother and her example.

This reasoning though, does not hold sway over his actual thought processes. Thomas does not truly believe such things force a man into loving another or even influencing his preference of partner. These things just are. You exist he believes as you are, vile spots and all. Everyone does, in so many different ways and patterns.

Good in the world cannot exist without the bad. 

The fallen, such a ragtag assortment of individuals with moral compasses truer than most and he, Thomas refuses to throw his lot in with hypocrites when he finds acceptance, actual emotional connection with this broken side of society.


End file.
